Archive | May, 2010

Get A Real Life…And Virtual Ones Don’t Count

31 May

Remember the days when the internet was used to KIT with friends, especially ones that you didn’t want to see in person or talk to on the phone? Social networking sites make it easy to create your own web page to KIT to your heart’s content. They also make it easy for attention whores to run free and distract the rest of us from our real lives!

For example, the online quiz. I STILL consistently get postings of people filling out these questionnaires that were at best mildly cool in junior high. Are people that openly lame that they still fill these out? It’s such a cry for attention. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? Been to China? Cheated on your boyfriend with his brother? Who cares?! The real question should be………How can you look yourself in the mirror knowing you just filled one of those things out?

Advertisers have jumped on the bandwagon, as well with soul searching, existential questions like “What Sex and the City character are you?”

Let me give you the answer.

You are the character who actually takes these online quizzes, which are just poorly masked versions of the ones you took in Seventeen magazine when you were thirteen, because let’s be honest, no one who is seventeen actually reads Seventeen, that is the age you move onto Cosmo. And take the same quizzes.

You would be surprised how many people I actually respect and admire have those applications/quizzes on their Facebook. I continue to be astounded. At this rate I would not be surprised if the Sex and the City actresses took the tests themselves and posted them on their page. Maybe in an odd twist they find out they are not really their characters, and no one on earth will know which way is up anymore, or how to get out of bed in the morning.

I am all for some innocent regression (and some SATC), but please, at some point we all have to move on and get lives.

A brief respite from the online quizzes, are applications. My favorite is the application where you throw stuff at people. That’s it. Barbary and violence have found a home on the internet too.

I have a friend who absolutely abuses this application. Let me backtrack. He is not a friend. He is someone I went to high school with, and I only confirmed him for fear of awkward run-ins at Elephant Bar.

If this application was not virtual he would be tried for multiple accounts of attempted murder. Every day in my email I received a notification that John Doe threw a sheep at me, a Maserati, the Bubonic Plague. You name it, he hurled it.

The day I really lost it, is when he threw a pregnancy test in my inbox. I’m sorry, do I know you? That really crossed the intimacy barrier for me. No, I will not take a pregnancy test, and if I did, do you actually think I would cc you on the results? A complete stranger? I mean the audacity! I wanted to throw a real life egg at his real life house, but there’s no sense in stooping to real life retribution, so instead I just deleted the application. And went back to filling out my quiz, “Are you a PC or a Mac?”

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