Archive | July, 2010

I Can Do Anything Better Than Anyone!

27 Jul


I know, I know. This video is sooo last month Tosh.O, but it never gets old! It’s the perma-pick-me-up!

How awesome is this little girl?! She can do ANYTHING BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE! I’ll take ‘positive self image’ for $200.

She is a future Tony Robbins. Who needs a seminar when you’ve got this video? Look up ‘glass half full’ in the dictionary and you will see this girl’s picture with a caption: ‘see: glass overflowing’ (and/or ‘mania’).

I don’t know if she got an advanced copy of The Secret: for toddlers or her brain is just genetically wired for extreme optimism, but I’ll have whatever she’s having. Where did she learn to be an expert in positive self-talk before she lost her first incisor? Her attitude is a testament to her parents. They deserve a gold star and serious round of applause.

This video makes me want to jump up on the bathroom counter when I’m having a less than optimal day and sing my praises to the world…or the bathroom mirror. There’s nothing like a daily affirmation to get your day going. Schools should mandate showing this video like they mandate standardized testing. I LIKE MY TEACHERS! I LIKE MY CLASSES! I LIKE MY HOMEWORK!

I don’t know about you, but I’m bookmarking this video for a pick-me-up on future ‘bad days’…I’ll just have to make sure I’m home alone.

What Do You Think About Dating A Friend’s Ex?

25 Jul

Dear Losers,

What do you think about dating a friend’s ex? This is a huge issue at my high school!

Zoe, 17

Dear Reader,

Well for starters, AVOID IT AT ALL COSTS!

Have you ever seen Gossip Girl?

Of course you have. Don’t you find it ridiculous that the series regulars all date each other as if there is no one else on the planet, or Manhattan? And don’t you find it creepy that they rarely make a big deal about it? Lets take the Nate/Blair/Serena triangle.

Nate dates Blair, cheats on her with Serena, gets back together with Blair. Then Nate dates Serena. They have a hot makeout scene on a kitchen counter, then break up. Nate forgets there are more then two women on earth, so he falls back in love with Blair, buys her a penthouse apartment and asks her to move in with him. Blair is creeped out and confused, and she (spoiler alert) BREAKS UP WITH HIM. Then Nate is back to Serena, but she’s already in the Hamptons with his cousin. Who is married.

And somehow, through all this Boyfriend Hot Potato, B and S remain best friends.

No one on the show so much as whispers, Umm, this is freaking awkward…!!! Rather, it’s as if Serena and Blair find it amusing. I wouldn’t be surprised if they started a betting pool for Nate’s next move.

Serena: I’m going to say Nate hits on you by noon on Sunday.
Blair: No way! He just bought me a loft in Soho last episode. I’m putting down $50 that Nate proposes to you by midnight.

Unfortunately, things are rarely this simple and amicable in real life. Though that’s not to say they never are. I know some people that have dated a friend’s ex and all parties were mature about it and remained besties. But you can’t guarantee that, so don’t go jeopardizing friendships left and right just because you want a boyfriend, any boyfriend.

Merry- Go- Round dating works in Gossip Girl for a few very specific reasons.

a.) It’s a soap opera

b.) They need to use their series regulars, so obvi they are all going to end up dating each other.

c.) As viewers,we find these love triangles, or love octagons, entertaining. (Until we don’t, and then the show gets cancelled.) And…

d.) They throw in guest stars every so often, so we don’t think it’s too gross. And so Nate has someone new to date for a few episodes.

But you’re not Gossip Girl. So avoid starring in your own soap opera, and find some new boys/guest stars. I know it’s hard in high school, but go to another high school’s party. Get friendly at a football game. Hang out at a different Chili’s.

If worst comes to worst, and you still can’t deny your feelings for that “series regular”, well then do what you must. But keep it classy and talk to your friend about dating her ex. Because we all know how embarrassing it is to get a text from Gossip Girl first….

Uh Oh. Looks like S borrowed B’s bracelet. And stole B’s boyfriend……

You know you love me.

XOXO

Gossip Girl


Breakup Songs that Aren’t Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson or Rihanna

20 Jul

Let’s face it. Those girls have the breakup market cornered. Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson and Rihanna are practically synonymous with the word breakup.

Like second nature, we reach for their CDs like we reach for our Kleenex with lotion and aloe tissues. (No one wants puffy eyes AND dry skin.)

If you haven’t been though a breakup yet, you will. Unless you marry your first boyfriend and don’t even take a break, which SUCKS for you! AM I RIGHT LADIES?!

Sorry.

Break ups are a right of passage. And right behind a pint of Haagen Daas Dulce de Leche, breakup songs are the best medicine! We’ve compiled a list of songs that

a) you may not know (in your defense some of them are before your time)

b) that doesn’t include the typical Kelly Clarkson/Taylor Swift breakup jams  ( love them, but give other songs a chance too! ), and

c) to help you feel and deal next time you’re reeling from a breakup.

I love  breakup songs because they don’t even have to accurately describe your situation, they strike a chord with you anyway. You find yourself standing up in bed and shouting,

All that’s left IS a band of gold! JERK!

Then you realize, wait I’m not married…

But still.

And if you really can’t relate, break up songs make great workout music.

Oldies but Goodies
Freda Payne- Band of Gold*
Neil Sedaka- Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
Ray Charles- Hit the Road Jack
Nat King Cole- Smile
The Carpenters- Can’t Smile Without You
Elvis Presley- Heartbreak Hotel
The Beach Boys- God Only Knows

Funnies
Plain White T’s- Hate (I Really Don’t Like You)
2gether- The Hardest Part of Breaking Up is Getting Back Your Stuff*
Puddle of Mudd- She Hates Me
Britney Spears- Email My Heart (I don’t think it was supposed to be funny)*
Brooke Allison- The Kiss Off (Goodbye) (Also not intended to be funny)*

Countries
Jodee Messina- Foolhearted Man*
Joe Nichols- Brokenheartsville
Clay Walker- Could I Ask You Not to Dance
Chely Wright- Shut up and Drive*
Keith Anderson- Everytime I Hear Your Name*
Keith Urban- Stupid Boy*
Gretchen Wilson- Homewrecker
The Wreckers- Leave the Pieces
Sheryl Crow- First Cut Is the Deepest

Angries
First Wives Club- You Don’t Own Me*
Gloria Gaynor- I Will Survive
Kelis- Caught Out There (I Hate You So Much Right Now)
Whitney Houson- It’s Not Right but It’s Okay
Kathrine McPhee- Over It
Christina Aguilera- Fighter

* Total tuneskies. If they aren’t already on your iTunes, they should be

What are your favorite breakup songs?


 

Why Do Girls Wear High Heels to High School?

2 Jul

Dear Losers,

Why Do Girls Wear High Heels to High School?

Katie, 15

Dear Reader,

I’m sure there are many reasons – they go better with their outfit, they want to be taller, they feel prettier,  or they just like annoying the administration (that would be my reason.) That’s great. If you want to wear them go for it. Everyone has a different sense of style. I am a girly girl myself and I love high heels.

But if you’re feeling pressure to wear them because other girls are, don’t. There is no need to wear high heels to high school.  School is for learning and socializing, not for cultivating hammertoes. There is plenty of time after school to throw on your stilettos. I know an older woman who wore high heels so much in her life – at work, after work, probably on the treadmill like Mariah Carey, that she can no longer NOT wear high heels.

What?! Nightmare scenario. She wore them so much it became extremely painful to not wear them. She even has to wear high heels to the beach. As someone who used to wear high heels everywhere, that was a wake-up call for me. I mean I love high heels, but to never be able to NOT wear them?

Me 20 years from now:

Hey Honey, can you go get the mail? I just don’t feel like throwing on my robe and heels.

As I said, NIGHTMARE SCENARIO!

Plus, wearing high heels while carrying a huge backpack, bookbag, iPad or whatever you kids use to learn these days can be dangerous. I learned this the hard way. (Are you really surprised?)

I remember, a brisk morning in September, when I was a senior in high school and decided to forego the dress code to wear platform sandals. I’ve always had a casual relationship with the rules.

Who cares, I thought. What are they going to do, send me home? They won’t even notice!

I was running late and overloaded with baggage, as usual. Not only was I wearing my backpack, but I was carrying two of those huge English anthologies that could double as a weapon, and a bagel. But at least I looked good!

Until I stepped onto a bungee cord, went flying down the stairs, and landed in between my parent’s cars. I don’t care how cute your shoes are, no one looks good wedged between a Mini van and a Ford Taurus. I screamed bloody murder, but no one heard. (Thanks Mom and Dad!) So I figured I must be exaggerating the pain, and I limped to my car.

By the time I got to school, I couldn’t walk. I hopped. Again, no one cares how cute your shoes are when they are wondering about your bunny hop/pimp swagger. My linebacker friend, Brandon, had to throw me over his shoulder and carry me to class. Valiant, but this clearly was not a long term solution.

Well you guessed it, I broke my foot. All thanks to vanity, and wearing those stupid platforms. If I wasn’t wearing them I

a. wouldn’t have been stuck in a damn cast for a month

b. wouldn’t have to sit out of my dance competitions

c. wouldn’t have danced spirit week in a super cool VELCRO orthopedic boot, and

d. I certainly would not have waited for my parents to pick me up afterschool alongside the loser-y freshman! Hello, embarrassing. It may be hard to drive in heels, but it’s impossible and lethal to drive with a paper mache’d foot.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to look pretty, or be stylish. But high heels and a heavy backpack is not the new black. It’s a potential safety hazard.