Archive | August, 2010

Friends Don’t Let Friends Wear Shirts as Dresses

29 Aug

We’ve all done the dressing room twirl…is this a shirt or a dress? I think it’s a shirt, but can I make it pass for a dress?


If there is any doubt, please take the time to debate. Don’t hesitate to get a second opinion because friends don’t let friends wear shirts as dresses. If you’re by yourself, at the very LEAST, try the bend and snap before purchasing.

Maybe shirt dresses are a money saving ploy, a buy one get one free of sorts.

But mom, I can wear this as a shirt AND a dress!

You’re right sweetie. What the hell, get two!

I know the economy is less than optimal, but passing shirts off as dresses is not where we need to cut back.

The problem with shirt-dresses is many are just not flattering. They are strange, flowy, loose garments that do a 180 and become tight and banded at the bottom. I think this is a case where even Tim Gunn would say, “Don’t make it work. Just take it off.”

Of course there are other types of shirt dresses, and some of them can be really cute. Please just make sure the dress covers your square footage. You don’t have to be Conservative Carol but as a rule of thumb, if you can’t sneeze without giving everyone a free show,  it’s not the best choice.

Perhaps distinguishing shirts from dresses is a skill acquired over time. For example, my mom just bought my sister an item of clothing and said, “This is a dress for you, and a shirt for me!”

At least someone has it figured out.

Another clothing conundrum is the jean short. I went shopping for jean shorts this summer and I was appalled. And I don’t dress like a Mother of the Bride so that’s saying something.

I simply wondered, Why do they look like denim underwear?!

Or worse, why are the pockets longer than the shorts? Perhaps girls are looking to sag now too.

Don’t mind my pockets hanging out of my shorts, I’m just trying to match my boyfriend who has his boxers hanging out of his pants.


When it comes to finding the perfect pair of shorts, to each her own. Or maybe I should say, shorts for you, underwear for me.

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How Do I Meet Boys in College?

22 Aug

Dear Losers,

How do I meet boys in college?

Ava, 19

Dear Reader,

I’m sorry, did you mean college or your small agrarian community?

College is the easiest place to meet guys, maybe EVER. It’s only downhill from there. I’m not saying to focus more on your MRS than your BA/BS. No no. Your education frees you from actually needing a man, so please concentrate.

But take advantage of the added perks while you can! In college, you essentially live in a town where everyone is around your age and your SAT score. BO-NUS! Not even match.com can provide that kind of service.

After college, you’re stuck meeting people at your workplace, the bar scene or the produce aisle.

You 4 years from now: Oh wow, you like romaine lettuce too! No way! Did you know it has the highest nutritional content of all…. Okay well…um, nice talking to you!

It’s great to seize the opportunity to talk to someone, no matter how lame the Snapple Real Fact. (Snapple Real Facts) But college is a place where you don’t have to find common ground over what’s in your grocery cart. You have common ground with everyone (See: Pending Diploma, Weird Roommates, Extra Long Twin Sized Jersey Sheets etc), you just need to put yourself in the right places. Let me give you advice from a guy.

A friend/male once told me, Girls complain about not meeting guys, but I really think they discount the power of location.

And he makes a good point.

I had friends that loved going to clubs, but complained that they only met huge tools.

Do we really need to connect the dots?!

So there are the traditional collegiate locations to meet boys- class, dorm activities, study groups, social clubs, on campus jobs, games and parties. Get out there and take advantage! But you can also get creative. Assess your situation and devise a gameplan. Ask yourself what kind of boys you like and how you might be able to meet them. For instance, if you like tools, then hit up the clubs, or a local toolshed.

If you’re into the premed type, then you might want to hang out on that side of campus or learn about the chemical properties of dry ice.

If you’re into outdoorsy manly men then go to games, outdoor activities or lumberjack competitions.

If you like skinny jean/emo/hipster guys go see random bands, hit up a thrift store…or just meander around Berkeley, CA. You’re not going to find a hipster in guyliner playing rugby with the frat boys.

I know this all sounds creepy and calculated, and that’s because it is. But it’s also smart. Like you, College Girl. Let’s practice with a fill-in- the- blank. ( Sentence completions are on the GRE’s, afterall)

If I only hang out on the all-girls floor I will only meet ____________.

If I only hangout in my dorm room I will only meet _______________.

If I never leave my floor, I will NEVER meet ___________

(1. girls, 2. oh yeah, NOBODY!, 3. NEW BOYS!! )

If you’re just looking for new boys in general, you’re going to have to leave your bunk bed and find new places to hang out. You’re going to have to drop the Rapunzel Syndrome (I just made that up!). You know the I’m in my tower/dorm room so come rescue me from my solitude/MCD Bio midterm.

Even studying in a new library or a different study hall will open you up to new people.

And it goes without saying that you need to be friendly- to your neighbors, your classmates, your elevator mates. There’s nothing wrong with striking up a conversation with someone. Make friends and get to know your fellow alumni. It’s much easier than you think. When you make friends, you soon make friends with their friends. And they might just be friends with an eligible boy.

You can start by asking someone about the class they are taking, what their major is, or brace yourself for this one, you can just introduce yourself. Remember how friendly everyone was on the first day? Well who says that has to stop? If they look at you weird, they’re weird! (Or you have something on your face.)

In summation, fortune favors the bold. So unless you are pining after Mr. Noodle, your dreamboy is not going to come knocking on your door.

Carpe Diem. Or just take a Latin class and hope there are cute boys in it.

Wishing you a Happy Friday the 13th from Under My Indoor Umbrella!

13 Aug

I’m not really superstitious, but WHY ARE YOU WALKING UNDER THAT LADDER?!!!!

No really, I’m not. I do freak out when a black cat crosses my path, but I also scream when my neighbor’s cat is on my porch. And he’s just a muddled gray.

Superstitious or not, I completely missed the fact that there were 9 Friday the 13th’s last year. 9. I don’t remember a single one.

Luckily for you fraidy cats, there is only one this year. So I plan to take full advantage of it by annoying people with Fun Friday the 13th Facts.

Did you know……….

The fear of the number 13 is called triskadekaphobia?

There were 9 Friday the 13ths last…..oh sorry

9 is the maximum number of Friday the 13ths per year in the current Gregorian calendar, and 1 is the minimum?

Friday the 13th is bad for the economy? People tend to be more cautious on this day, which means they do and spend less. It’s estimated that $800- $900 million dollars is lost on Friday the 13th. Poor 2009. 😦

80% of high rise buildings have no 13th floor? Before you breath a sigh of relief, this is impossible for any building with more than 12 floors. Usually the 13th floor is closed to the public, or th 13th floor is just named the 14th floor. Call it what you want, it’s still 13!

I got all of these facts from this National Geographic article? Friday the 13th Superstitions Rooted in Bible and More