Archive | October, 2010

Holy Halloween, I Don’t Have a Costume Yet! A Quick and Dirty Guide to a Quick and Classy Costume

30 Oct

I’m no stranger to procrastination. I’m even quoted in my high school yearbook as saying, “Procrastination is motivation.”

Genius. With a few more years on me, I’d update the quote and say  “Procrastination is panic. Oh and you’re an idiot, Megan.”

But anyway, no need to panic! A great costume is right around the corner. And so is that Halloween party that your crush is going to. So here are a few tips. Read on and get moving!

1. Get strategic.

This is no time to be debating between 12 different costumes, or driving around town ” just to see what’s out there.” You need to decide you’re going to be a Freudian Slip, a Cougar, or Matt Lauer and run with it. You can have a backup in case it’s difficult to find clothes for a certain costume, but please, no more than two costumes floating around in your Halloween Head.

2. Assess your built in accessories.

Yes, I’m talking about your hair color, ethnicity, buck teeth or braces. It is much easier to pull off  someone that has the same haircolor, or someone that just plain looks like you. I’m not trying to reinforce stereotypes, or tell you can’t be a girl if your a man, or a red head if you’re brunette. But if you look like Taylor Swift, maybe don’t try to be Mulan this year. You’re pressed for time, honey. Halloween started like yesterday. So unless you have hours to find the perfect wig, makeup, and Mulan DVD to get into character, stick to Taylor Swift and be an Asian princess next year.

3. Go to American Apparel.

I know, that is really specific. But I searched all over town for some basics for my Halloween costume, to no avail. I ended up at American Apparel and I found everything I needed in 5 minutes. You can peruse the Halloween stores for costume ideas, but avoid the nylon-spandex, ill-fitting costumes in a bag if you can.  They are expensive and the do- it- yourself version always looks better.

Ew.

If you put together your own costume, you might even be able to re-wear it. I had a hipster themed birthday, and my American Apparel outfit was worth the money because I wear it all the time. To bed. But still, I wouldn’t wear an ill-fitting Wonder Woman costume to sleep. On second thought….pretty snazzy idea.

4. If all else fails, there are always weird hats and headbands.

Cat ears, jester hats, alien antennas- there are a plethora of options.  And hats and headbands are great because they are simple, yet they get the job done. You can wear jeans,  a college sweatshirt and bunny ears and no one is going to ask, ” So what ARE you???”

You’re a bunny. We get it. Mission Accomplished!

My own father pulled out a scary wolf hat yesterday for his Halloween costume. He said he chose it because it’s easy, and it doesn’t obstruct your view. If that’s not quick and classy, I don’t know what is.

Note: This is not my dad.

Yes, Halloween is one night you can take advantage of a crazy or unique idea and run with it. So run to the hills with it. Well, not all the way to the hills…it’s Halloween and there’s a lot of creeps out. So maybe just run in place with it. Or to the nearest American Apparel, or store  that sells scary wolf hats. Good luck!

What Do You Think WhEn PeOpLe TeXt Or WrItE LiKe ThIs? Or whn dey be textiin hella ghetto?

24 Oct

Dear Losers,

What do you think WhEn PeOpLe TeXt Or WrItE LiKe ThIs. Or whn dey be textiin hella ghetto wiith too ii’s in vry wrd nd cnt spl. I hate it! How old are you? Use proper grammar!

Lacey, 17

Dear Reader,

I couldn’t agree more. We all started learning the English language at a young age. Granted we all make mistakes because English has tons of crazy rules, and exceptions to crazy rules. But the intentional misuse of language boggles my mind.

I remember in my 9th grade honors English class, when a friend passed a note to the next classroom. Unfortunately for her, my teacher intercepted it on the way back. She was so appalled at the misuse of language she read it aloud.

“Hey wut u up 2 tonite playa?”

And then she burst out laughing.

“I know no one in MY class wrote this!”

She continued to make fun of the person she believed to be in another class, who was actually sitting in our class. And this note writer happened to be extremely intelligent. If you are getting a 5 on your English AP, yet still spelling what as wut in your personal life, you have a problem.

Using bad grammar intentionally doesn’t make you look cool. It makes you look uneducated. Sure, we all make spelling and grammar errors. But why anyone wants to purposely look unintelligent mystifies me. (Even in that last sentence, the grammar police would tell me to never end a sentence with a preposition. The rules are overwhelming.)

But please try to follow the basic rules. Just try to spell correctly and form actual words. When you don’t, you make a terrible first impression. I can’t tell you how many guys have immediately put themselves in the deal breaker category by a) asking me out via text message in the first place, b) making themselves seem unintelligent in their texting, and c) adding emoticons with their uneducated texting! A triple threat and a major turnoff.

If your texts are caps, no caps, caps, abbreviation, no caps, caps, you clearly have too much time on your hands and that is not something you want to be advertising.

hEy gUrL/ gUY iM intrested in! I hAVe NoOoOoOoO life!! ;{) ——> (MaN wit mUsTachE!!$)

We have all received a text message or email that took a couple read-overs to really figure out what was being said. I think people are trying to abbreviate and get their point across in a succinct manner, but excessive abbreviations are more work for the writer and the reader! Now Reader Rita has to try to decipher what you’re trying to say like it’s the Da Vinci Code.

I wuz wundering if u’d want to go 2 dat new restnt wit me tonite?

Then you have to pull out your Text to English Dictionary for a night of tedious deciphering….

OhHhHhH! I was wondering if you’d like to go to that new restaurant with me tonight!

Too bad by the time you figured it out, the kitchen was closed.

This word salad you’ve created isn’t saving anyone time and it’s not becoming of you. Do you text your mother with that slang?! Unless you are learning English or new to the world of texting like my mom, you have no excuse.

Disclaimer: this is NOT my mother.

It also makes me laugh when people abbreviate short words. Like nvr (never) or nw (now). What? Leaving out ONE letter in an already THREE letter word??? Unless you are buying an ad in the newspaper you are not being charged per letter, so go ahead and splurge on the ‘o’.

It’s funny that we have spell check on everything, yet people purposely use bad grammar. The people at Scripps National Spelling Bee must be crying themselves to sleep at night.

Or if you’re my 9th grade English teacher, you’re laughing yourself to sleep at night.

“What spelled as wut?! Ahahahhahahaha! Certainly not one of MY students!”

Spoiler alert: Romeo wasn’t a jerk to Juliet.

4 Oct

(Unless I’m missing something?)

Shown: Leonardo DiCaprio, Claire Danes. 20th Century Fox/Photofest. © 20th Century Fox

 

So if you are in a tumultuous relationship and your boyfriend mistreats you, you are not Romeo and Juliet. This may sound like a no brainer, but we’ve probably all seen girls romanticize unhealthy relationships, claiming, It feels just like The Notebook! Romeo and Juliet! Bella and Edward/Jacob!

Are you kidding? We all love a good love story, but let’s get our facts straight.

Romeo and Juliet couldn’t stay together because their families hated each other and kept them apart. Not because Romeo was a huge douche and always made Juliet cry.

Help! Our families want to swordfight again!

It’s the same obstacle in the Notebook. Noah and Ali couldn’t stay together not because Noah had no manners and ditched Ali at The Valentine’s Day Dance. It was because Ali’s mom was a huge snob and hid all Noah’s love letters.

I'm snobby! You can tell by my sunglasses!

In Twilight, Bella and Edward can’t stay together because he will eat her or turn her into a vampire, or something. Not because he is an insecure tool that always brags about himself and never walks Bella to her car.

I won't walk you to your car! I'll fly you to your car!

Are you noticing a pattern here?

I think people confuse their bad relationships with great romances because there is one thing their relationships have in common with iconic love stories- drama.

But having drama in your relationship does not catapult you to The Notebook status. Most classic romances are based on the fact that they would do anything to be together, but there is a huge obstacle keeping them apart (again see: their families have hated each other since 26 B.C., or one person in the relationship is a vampire).

In real life bad relationships, the drama stems from one or more parties being rude, selfish or douchebaggish, not immortal. The couples that insult and mistreat each other/ break up/get back together/repeat are the opposite of Romeo and Juliet.

Unromeo and Unjuliet can’t get along in normal circumstances, where there aren’t huge obstacles. They aren’t jumping through hoops to be together, building each other houses, or writing each other letters for years.

"Sorry, they were out of flowers."

They are fighting in Applebees over who should pay for the chicken tenders!

Now I’m not saying you can’t break up and get back together. Or that you can never fight. No person and no relationship is perfect.

But please, for the love of Romeo, Juliet, Noah and Ali, don’t romanticize your unhealthy relationship and think you are the next Edward and Bella. Unless your families are pulling you apart, or your boyfriend’s a vampire. Then we can talk.

Sidenote: I always wonder what these movies would look like without those obstacles. They would probably be insanely boring. If Romeo and Juliet’s families got along swimmingly, they probably would have gotten married at 16, had two kids, got divorced by 20 and fought over custody for the rest of their lives.

How romantic!