I’m 15 with my first boyfriend and I don’t know how to tell my parents! What should I do?!

29 Apr

Dear Losers,

I’m 15 with my first boyfriend and I don’t know how to tell my parents. Oh yeah, did I tell you I have 7 brothers?! I want to be totally honest with them, but I don’t want to have to go through the drama that comes with it. What should I do?!

Madison, 15

I totally understand your concern. You want to be a good daughter, but at the same time you don’t want to be grounded for life.

You're grounded, Missy!

I’m going to assume your parents and 90,000 brothers are somewhat strict and overprotective. My parents are too, so I can definitely commiserate. And sometimes it can be even harder dealing with the men in the family.

Tricia’s Dad once decided to clean his guns when she had guy friends over, like straight out of a country song. As they are walking through the house, they run into her dad who is *chick-chick-ing* his rifle. In a completely casual tone he says,

"Oh hey guys!"

Oh hey guys! Just doing some cleaning. What’s going on?

Totally embarrassing, right?

It can be frustrating because while your parents are strict, some kids parents are not, so they don’t understand what you are going through. Their parents think it’s adorable they have a boyfriend. They don’t pull out weapons, they pull out baby books to start scrapbooking “Baby’s First Boyfriend!”

But every parent is just trying to do the right thing. You’ve got to look at it from their perspective. They’ve gotten you this far, and they don’t want you messing up your future by spending too much time with some loser. Parents just want reassurance (and good grades, good jobs, etc.) As my mom always says (in an extremely concerned tone), Reassure us.

Parents don’t want to have to worry about you more than they already do. Which is a lot. And it’s better to be honest with your parents than sneak behind their backs. As long as they feel like they can trust you and your dating judgment, things may be a little less tense.

Plus it’s not like teen dating is such a ridiculous idea.

TONIGHT on the 10′ o clock news. Teen Dating. It’s a dangerous trend sweeping the nation. Is your child showing interest in the opposite sex?  We’ll show you the warning signs TONIGHT.

So here’s the plan:

1. Tell your parents you have a boyfriend.

2. Acknowledge their concerns and reassure the crap out of them.

3. Suck up.

4. Tell your boyfriend how to suck up to them.

Here’s a sample script (Feel free to improv and add in actual factual information):

Hey, Mom and Dad! God, you guys are looking young today! Have you lost weight?

Anyway, I have a boyfriend. I know, I know, you might be worried because you are really good parents, but there is no need to worry because it is not serious. I am a smart girl (pull out great report card and raise eyebrows) and I’m not going to do anything stupid like girls on MTV.

I’m not going to lose my mind or spend all my time with my boyfriend or start getting bad grades. (Point again to report card.) You raised me better than that! (Optional high five to your mom, cheesy wink to your Dad).

Then you have to reassure them about your boyfriend.

He’s a really nice boy with upstanding morals. He doesn’t do drugs, he just sells them. (Insert laughter to show you’re kidding.) He wants to be an engineer and I’m pretty sure he’s the heir to some foreign throne. (Blah blah blah, insert other stuff parents want to hear.) Don’t worry you’ll get to meet him as soon as he’s back from volunteering in Chile.

Well, I have to go mow the lawn now, so I’ll see you guys at dinner. But don’t worry, I’m making it. (Optional wink and point)

Then get on the phone and coach your boyfriend on how to deal with your parents. You don’t have to scare the crap out of him, but just make sure he has great manners, especially around your parents. I had a mother tell me she had never met her daughter’s boyfriend because when he picks her up he just honks.

Let's GO!

EXCUSE ME?! Is he your boyfriend or head of the soccer carpool?

Incredibly rude.

Make sure your boyfriend always comes to the window, I mean door when he picks you up, and make sure he greets your parents. No one wants their daughter dating a rude Shady Brady.

I have to commend my high school guy friends. They always had great manners around my parents, and thusly my parents were happy to have them over. Sometimes I would even come home and find them chatting it up with my dad in the garage. Yes, you heard right, they would hang out with my parents when I wasn’t even home.

Now that’s what I call quality sucking up.

So reassure them and stay a responsible young adult.

And most importantly, suck up.

Keep us posted!

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Related posts: 

How Do You Know When Boys Are Lying?


Romeo Wasn’t  a Jerk to Juliet



18 Responses to “I’m 15 with my first boyfriend and I don’t know how to tell my parents! What should I do?!”

  1. Ka;yla May 2, 2011 at 5:15 am #

    Just say mom dad I’m old enough to have my first boyfriend and I have I don’t care if you don’t like it, it is my choose to have a boyfriend

  2. Stop Being a Loser May 2, 2011 at 3:04 pm #

    That’s a more succinct way of putting it, yes! Thanks for commenting Kayla!

  3. Julius k tirop May 12, 2012 at 10:21 am #

    I was cheated by a girl. i dcdéd kill myself

  4. Stop Being a Loser May 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm #

    Hi Julius,

    I’m so sorry to hear you were cheated on, but hurting yourself is not the answer. I promise things will get better, and it is not worth it to throw your life away. We had to post your comment to respond, and we have no other way of reaching you so I hope this message gets to you. I know being cheated on is really heartbreaking, but with time, you can get through it as other people have. You are not alone. In life we can’t control what other people do, but only how we respond to it.

    We encourage you to reach out and get help. Talking to someone about this can really help you feel better. Please reach out to someone you know, or a therapist or counselor in your area. We are here to help too. Please email us at stopbeingaloserblog@gmail.com to at least let us know you got this message and are okay. There are people out there that care about you and your life is absolutely worth living, so please don’t hurt yourself. By hurting yourself you will also hurt those that love you and need you in their lives. Please don’t break other people’s hearts because someone broke yours. You can get through this with the help and strength of others.

    Please email us: stopbeingaloser@gmail.com and thank you for reaching out for help.
    -Megan and Tricia

  5. Ashley August 14, 2012 at 10:15 am #

    I’m 16 & have the same problem! I just don’t know how to tell them cause we’ve never ever talked about this stuff before.. I need to tell them though. :/

  6. Stop Being a Loser August 29, 2012 at 11:14 am #

    Don’t worry Ashley! You can do it. We’ve all been there and it’s always awkward at first. Just reassure them you are going to be responsible and not get too serious. 🙂

  7. Katherine September 6, 2012 at 3:34 pm #

    Oh boy is this awkward. I have recently found myself in this situation. At the age of 16, I’m struggling to tell my parents about my wonderful boyfriend whom I’ve been dating for a year and 6 months. Yes, that much time has passed and I can’t seem to toughen up to tell my parents. Simply for the fact that I am afraid that I have no idea how they would react! Never have we spoken about boys and such, the whole situation just rattles me as the more anxious I get to tell them the truth.

  8. Stop Being a Loser September 6, 2012 at 4:11 pm #

    We’ve been there! Tell them when you feel ready. If they overreact know they are just worried about you. They’ll get used to the idea eventually. I mean you have to start dating sometime. Plus they might react better than you expect! Good luck!

  9. Katherine September 6, 2012 at 4:23 pm #

    Thank you! I would love to tell them when I am personally ready but that is sort of a problem. My older sister ,18 years old, is threatening to tell my parents if I don’t tell them SOON. Basically blackmailing. She does not seem to understand that I want to take my time and tell them on my own when I feel it’s the right time.

  10. Stop Being a Loser September 6, 2012 at 4:49 pm #

    Oh man! That’s weird. Maybe she feels it’s best for you? It’s probably better if you tell them first. Either way, when you tell them you will probably feel relieved because keeping secrets can be tough. Don’t worry, it will be okay. 🙂

  11. Katherine September 6, 2012 at 5:12 pm #

    Thank you very much for your help! I feel abit more confident. Hopefully it all ends well. Indeed, a huge load of weight will be lifted off of my shoulders! Thanks!

  12. Amanda September 9, 2012 at 2:00 pm #

    I have the same problem, but it’s harder for me. I’m hispanic so it’s tradition (or whatever) to not being able to date until your fifteenth birthday (that’s when a girl becomes a woman in my culture.) Anyway, my dad doesn’t want me to date until I’m 21 but my mom started dating my dad at 15 so why can’t I date? I know it’s hard for him because he never knew this day would come, but it was bound to happen anyway. Help!

  13. Stop Being a Loser September 9, 2012 at 4:45 pm #

    Hi Amanda!

    I have strict parents too so I get it. It sounds like your dad might be more strict on this one. If I’m scared to tell my parents something I usually tell the parent that’s least likely to freak out. Haha which depends on the issue of course. You can try talking to your mom about it or both your parents. They may see your honesty as a sign of responsibility. Either way, prove to them that you are mature enough to be dating- don’t get too serious with a boy, come home when you say you’re going to, keep your grades up etc. They are probably worried you’ll get too involved at a young age. While they started dating at 15, they might want something entirely different for you. Try to work something out with them – maybe they’ll let you go to school dances with a boy or go on supervised dates until your 16. Talk it out, stay calm and think of some options that might work for all of you. I hope that helps and good luck!

  14. Stop Being a Loser September 9, 2012 at 4:49 pm #

    You’re so welcome Katherine! Don’t worry. It’s going to be okay. I’m a worrier and I find I was usually worrying for nothing and that a situation was way easier than I expected. Good luck!

    Megan and Tricia

  15. Karime September 12, 2012 at 1:05 pm #

    Hi, I ha e tbe same problem as Amanda. Like the exact tradition and well tbe whole
    package.in colombia its also very strict with teens dating. ESPECIALLY my family. Im 15 1/2 and my mom and dad know most of the people that i usually hang out with etc.. My best friend has JUST asked me to be his girlfriend today! as soon as we got off the school bus. Please give mesome advie and such, like how should i tell them etc..

  16. Karime September 12, 2012 at 1:06 pm #

    Sorry i ment ” i have the” at the beginning.

  17. Stephanie September 22, 2012 at 9:14 pm #

    Thank you,this worked,!now I’m open with everything with my parents 🙂

  18. Stop Being a Loser September 26, 2012 at 5:03 pm #

    Hi Katime!

    My advice would be the same as Amanda’s. Parents are strict because they are worried about you. They don’t want you getting serious at a young age with some boy and neglecting school and your friends and family. So reassure them and prove to them that that’s not the case. I hope that helps! And make sure he treats you well. 🙂

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