My best friend spends ALL of her time with her new boyfriend. I like him, but I feel like it’s really affecting our friendship. We used to hangout all the time and now I just feel ditched. What should I do?
Oh, I’ve been there.
At one point in high school, both of my best friends, Tricia and Rachel had boyfriends. Pre-romantic relationships, we were inseparable. The 3 amigos, The Powerpuff Girls, Other annoying groups that involve 3 people!
Then they got boyfriends and I started to feel like the 5th wheel. The 3rd wheel, I might be able to handle, but the 5th? I have my standards!
Every situation with the 4 of them was so awkward. I dreaded lunch, or brunch, or any break between classes that required socializing. I was used to spending my breaks acting like a complete idiot with my two best buddies. And now there were boy idiots in the way? No thanks!
All 5 of us would sit around at lunch and I’d watch them laugh and play with their boyfriends. And I’d laugh and play too…with my pizza, or carrot sticks.
Ahhh, young love.
It got so bad that the bell would ring and I’d feel a sense of social doom. Like I was walking to the guillotine, but instead it was just a death-free lunch date with my best friends and their boyfriends.
I could tell people started to feel bad for me. They constantly talked about finding me a boyfriend.
Excuse me? Who said I was desperate for a boyfriend? The only thing I was desperate for was to have my $%^*# friends back! I tried to figure out anything to do but hang out as the 5th wheel. I even resorted to going to random club meetings.
Oh Anna, you’re going to the French club meeting ? That sounds like fun! (NOT) Count me in! (PLEASE SAVE ME!)
I remember even calling my mom and telling her I was sick and needed to leave for the day. I know, that’s terrible, but I was sick! Of hanging out with these lovesick fools!
Luckily this lovebird phase of theirs lasted about 3 weeks. Yay high school relationships!! So I learned nothing.
Just kidding. I learned some important lessons during that time that I have carried with me.
1. You’re going to be okay.
Relationships may change, for a few weeks, or longer, but there are always going to be more people to hangout with. It’s not healthy to depend on just one or two people to hangout with and do everything with you. Yes, it’s great to have that best friend, or two best friends. But someday you guys may end up going to different colleges, or marrying boys that aren’t brothers, and you’re going to have to learn how to function solo and make friends.
During my time as 5th wheel, I had no choice but to try and hangout with other people. And it’s not like my best friends were my only friends. I had plenty of other friends. They just weren’t my go-to friends.
I know, looking back this story seems quite melodramatic, right? But I am melodramatic like that, OKAY? You try losing your best friend to some quarterback on a crappy football team.
2. If you miss your friend, tell her.
She may be so caught up with her boyfriend that she may not realize you feel ditched, or left out. You don’t have to have a huge confrontation with her about how annoying it is that she’s always with him. (Even if it is.) And you don’t have to tell her that she should have waited until you had a boyfriend so you could all be in relationships at the same time. ( Even if you feel that way.) Just frame it in the nicest possible way. It will make her less defensive.
I know I’ve been on the other end of the problem. I have been the girl who spends a lot of time with her boyfriend. And when a friend has told me they miss me, I realize,
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I’ve become that girl. (Look in the mirror in disgust)
So for you girls out there who are always with their boyfriend, don’t forget about your other friends. I’ve seen friendships really sour when a girl starts spending all of her time with her boyfriend and does not respond positively when her friends confront her about it.
Remember, he’s your boyfriend. Not your onlyfriend. You’re going to need your girlfriends again sooner or later. And the fact that they want you around should feel like a compliment. It doesn’t mean they are trying to sabotage your relationship. Chances are, they just miss you.
And if they stop coming around and asking for your time and attention, you’ll miss them too.
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