Is there a way to hint to a guy you’ve dated that you’re no longer interested?

9 Sep

Dear Losers,

I went on a few dates with a guy, but I just didn’t feel a connection with him.  He seems so enthusiastic about our next date, but I don’t want to date him anymore. I also don’t want to hurt his feelings, so is there a way I can hint to him that I’m no longer interested?

-Tiana, 20

Sure. But there’s no way to guarantee he’s going to get the hint.

You could, for example, shudder everytime he walks into a room. Or make retching sounds. Actual projectile vomit is always effective.

You could even fall off the face of the earth, and hope that he takes that as a sign of disinterest.  But he just might think you went missing.


That’s the problem with breakup hints.  They often end up mean and confusing. You may think your hints seem clear because you know how you feel.  But he just may think you’re sick, playing hard to get, or without reception for 2 weeks.

So when you think,

Why doesn’t he get it when I don’t return his calls?

It’s because he doesn’t know how you feel! You never told him, you big dummy. Way to blame the victim!

If you were on the flip side, and you will be sometime, you might not get it either. For all he knows, you like him, or could get to like him. He’s not psychic. Even if he was he’d probably still come to a vague conclusion like,

“I see unreturned phone calls.”

I think many of us girls want to be nice and not hurt a guy’s feelings, so when we don’t like them, we try to think of any way possible to convey that without saying it. But then you end up playing dating Pictionary. Or Charades. You’re trying to act everything out and hope he guesses the right answer.

That would be an interesting approach…

You: Hey Johnnie! Come over. We’re playing Dating Charades!

Johnny: I love charades! Okay, 4 words. Look’s like a guy and girl breaking up? His name starts with a J. Johnny? 

You: Yup!

Johnny: The girl is named. Oh, that’s you! Interesting. Okay. Wait, Johnny. That’s me. Huh. Oh, I’ve got it! You’re not into me!  You’re not into me! I win!!!! (Pause) Wait, you’re not into me?

You: Correct!! I win!!!!!!!!!!

No, you don’t. That’s just weird. Stop with the guessing game. Guys may take your vagueness as playing hard to get and it may fuel their interest more.

Plan: backfired! We’ve all been there. And now you’re in deeper than before.

They think you’re playing hard to get, when you’re playing not get. Instead of game over, it’s game on. Double backfire! (Fist shake to the sky)

In my experience, it’s much easier and less stressful when you are straightforward. Or when you make up a boyfriend. What?

He'll never know.........?

Mostly, when I’ve been honest with a guy, they’ve been cool about it. Yes, it’s awkward. But dating is awkward. And a guy knows when he pursues you that there is a potential for rejection. Just like when you pursue something, you know you might get rejected.  He has probably mentally prepared himself for both outcomes. He may win, he may lose, but he will survive.

Plus, it doesn’t have to be dramatic. You didn’t like him romantically. You may go on a few dates with another guy and he doesn’t end up liking you romantically. There’s no need to write him off as an a -hole (unless he is one). Appreciate that he was honest with you and didn’t lead you on.

You may even end up going on a few dates with another guy and you two decide you don’t like each other romantically. What a treat! The stars have aligned!  Then you can both fall off the face of the earth. Or become friends. Win/win!

Just remember, you deserve someone that’s into you, just like he deserves someone that’s into him.

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Related Posts:

How do you stop seeing a guy you’ve only dated a few times?

Can you be friends with an ex?

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