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(Advice) Valentine’s Day: The Original Love/Hate Relationship

14 Feb

(Yes this is a repost from last year. It was a popular post, okay?! )

Today we present to you two opposing views on Valentine’s Day. (cue Law and Order music)

Love it.

By Megan

I love Valentine’s Day.

Love it. If it were a boy, I’d make out with it that’s how much I love this holiday.

But I don’t love it for the usual reasons. Valentine’s Day hasn’t been especially kind to me. In fact, it’s been downright cold to me. I can count the romantic Valentines days I’ve had on one hand. And by one hand, I mean like two fingers. I don’t know if this is the one day of the year I have unbearable B.O. or something, but whatever.

I will continue to love Valentine’s day whether or not it loves me back. Sort of like how a stalker unconditionally loves his stalkee.

If I could afford a therapist, she would probably tell me I love Valentines Day just to spite my ex-boyfriends.

Stereotypical Aunt/Kristen Wiig

And she would be right.

Why should I hate Valentine’s Day just  because they aren’t always fireworks and flowers? I refuse to give my power away and make Valentine’s Day only about romance, or boys, or a boyfriend who chose to spend Valentine’s Day with his aunt instead of me. True story :(.

I. Won’t. Hate. Valentine’s Day!

Isn’t that what unromantic guys want- a girl who hates Valentine’s Day? SCORE! Then they don’t have to show you any love on that day.

Boy 1: Hey Brad, you getting your girlfriend flowers for Valentine’s Day?

Boy 2 : (Excitedly) Nah, man. She hates it!

Boy 1 : @%$*^ awesome, man! Congrats! (They high five)

Brilliant, ladies! Let’s abstain from Valentine’s Day to prove the point that we should be romantic everyday………..by not doing anything romantic TODAY!

Congratulations, you make no sense.

I think people who hate Valentine’s Day are missing the point.

Point: Valentine’s Day is so cheesy.

Counterpoint: So is that romantic comedy you watch in bed every February 14. But that doesn’t stop you from hitting play. And you don’t have to be cheesy to celebrate. No one is forcing you to buy  the entire Valentine’s aisle at Rite Aid. You can get as creative or uncreative as you want.

Point: Why should we celebrate love just one day of the year, or when corporate America tells us to? We should do it all the time.

Counterpoint: But we don’t. So we should at LEAST do it once a year. One is better than none! If anything, we should have more Valentine’s days, not less. Like once a month. 12  celebrations of love instead of zero. You do the math.

Point: I’m going to celebrate love by opting out of the national celebration of it!!

Counterpoint: Well pin a red  rose on your nose. That is very original. Let me guess, you’re wearing black too? And out with your single girlfriends looking for guys? Hmm.. looks a lot like a celebration… and looking for love  if you ask me.

As I was saying, I don’t think Valentine’s Day is about whether you have a significant other or not. It’s not just about romance. It’s about love. Love for your family and your friends and the crabby old lady down the street. Love for funfetti cupcakes, and cinnamon gummy hearts and the chance to wear red and pink together and not get dirty looks. And love for candy that is half-off on February 15.

My best Valentine memories don’t involve boyfriends at all. (Sorry). My best memories are when friends and family made my day special. Like when my friend, Ryan bought each of us girls a single rose, in case we didn’t get one from anyone else. Or when my friends, Wayne and Greg took me and another friend to P.F. Chang’s because none of us had Valentine’s. Hey, pity Valentine’s are just as good as real ones.

I truly love this place.

But my favorite memory is from first grade. It was the morning of Valentine’s Day, and I ran out of platonic-sounding cards for the boys in my class. Obviously, I was devastated! Even at that age, I didn’t want boys to get the wrong idea. But my Dad saved the day. As I cried and panicked about being late to school, he wrote messages like, “You’re nice, Classmate! Happy Valentine’s Day!” which we glued on top of flirty sayings like “Be MINE, Valentine.”

Now that’s love.

..In a platonic way ONLY!

In conclusion, I think everyone needs to get over getting over Valentine’s Day. If you don’t have a date, it’s probably the best day of the year to get one. My friends threw a party on Valentine’s Day one year and you would have thought we were giving away free NFL tickets. It was Boy City!

If you go out on Valentine’s Day, guys are extremely friendly because they know you are single.  Or that you have a boyfriend who is out of town, which is basically the same thing.  Am I right?!

Just kidding. But really, you should go out on Valentine’s Day if you’re looking for love.

And if you aren’t, Valentine’s Day is a great excuse to mope and not be judged for it. Or to spend time with your aunt.

Hate it.

By Tricia

First of all, let me say I am a sucker for romance. I am always down for a cheesy romantic comedy and I love hearing stories of how people got engaged/fell in love. I have seen The Notebook more times than I can count…don’t judge me.

Yet strangely enough, I detest Valentine’s Day. With a passion. I am not bitter. I am not a creepy cat lady (no offense to cat lovers, creepy or not). I just don’t understand it.

Who says we have to show our affection on February 14th? I want random romance. Not obligatory romance because the calendar says so! Crowded restaurants, overpriced food, naked cherub decorations, cheesy mainstream gifts…it is so predictable. You can show your love any damn day of the year. Why romance because Hallmark says so?

Hallmark rep.

I’m all about more romance, but how about you get creative and romance on a random unexpected day? OoOhhh aaHhhhh.

The holiday has become so commercialized. It takes away from the real purpose, the genuine romance. Right after businesses put away their Christmas stuff, out comes all the Valentine’s Day goods. Red and pink decorations everywhere you look. Conversation hearts on every display. Red roses in full force. Despite being unable to escape the commerciality lurking in every store window, we will all wait until the last minute to make any plans, thus guaranteeing a night of stress and predictability.

“To stress and predictability!”

Guy- Hey, let’s get dressed up, drive to an expensive overcrowded restaurant where we won’t be able to find parking so I’ll end up shelling out some cash to the valet. Then we will wait for an hour and a half for a table even though we made reservations three weeks in advance. We’ll order small portioned overly priced food and I’ll order an expensive bottle of champagne from our rude and sarcastic waitress who is taking out her anger of being scheduled to work Valentine’s night out on the patrons.

We’ll wait another 45 minutes for our mediocre food and then order chocolate covered strawberries for dessert while we wait another 30 minutes for our bill and I’ll shell out some more cash, which will put me into debt for the next month. Oh wait, I got you a dozen red roses and a heart shaped box of chocolates. Love you!

Girl- Awww. You’re so sweet! Red roses and heart shaped chocolate? How’d you know?!

Guys don’t need to spend a lot of money to show they care. By all means they should save their cash and get creative. It’s the little things that matter most to me. And, if a guy is going to go the predictable mainstream route, he should at least try to mix it up. Please, spare me the diabetes ridden chocolate sampler. And if you’re going to get me flowers, find out what kind of flowers I like. Don’t show up on my door with a dozen red roses. I mean, it’s a nice gesture but I know you can do better! There’s no element of surprise with red roses and a heart shaped box of chocolates.

My dad only gives my mom flowers on her birthday, Valentine’s Day and on their anniversary. Never on a random day of the year. Never just for fun. Never just for romance. Granted, my dad isn’t Rico Suave, but he tries. I give him credit for always remembering and being prepared for those occasions, but guys should also go the extra mile and catch you off guard once in a while. Genuine romance/love isn’t something that can be forced or planned. It should come naturally and guys should want to romance you!

No, I couldn’t do a Valentine’s Day post without inserting a picture from The Notebook

I know not all guys are big on foo foo girly romance, but if a guy really likes you he will do what he has to if whether that involves foo foo girly romance or not. If he’s not doing things to show you he cares, he probably doesn’t.  And I don’t mean to put all the pressure on guys. We girls need to go the extra mile and show we care too. Sharing is caring and it’s a two way street.

Valentine’s Day reminds me of high school Spirit Week. The week starts out as being about class and school unity and ends up being a big competition and rivalry between the classes. By the end of the week no one remembers what the week’s purpose is and each class ends up hating the others, but they’ll all be back to do it again next year as scheduled! Yay! That’s the spirit!

Girl 1: Yeah my boyfriend took me to Outback for Valentine’s Day. The steak was so good!

Girl 2: Oh, really? My boyfriend took me to Paris. You know, like Paris, France? Anyway, sounds like you had fun!

Girl 1: Oh. Yeah…..

In conclusion…

What’s your take- Do you love Valentine’s Day or hate it? Let us know below!

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I’m 15 with my first boyfriend and I don’t know how to tell my parents! What should I do?!

29 Apr

Dear Losers,

I’m 15 with my first boyfriend and I don’t know how to tell my parents. Oh yeah, did I tell you I have 7 brothers?! I want to be totally honest with them, but I don’t want to have to go through the drama that comes with it. What should I do?!

Madison, 15

I totally understand your concern. You want to be a good daughter, but at the same time you don’t want to be grounded for life.

You're grounded, Missy!

I’m going to assume your parents and 90,000 brothers are somewhat strict and overprotective. My parents are too, so I can definitely commiserate. And sometimes it can be even harder dealing with the men in the family.

Tricia’s Dad once decided to clean his guns when she had guy friends over, like straight out of a country song. As they are walking through the house, they run into her dad who is *chick-chick-ing* his rifle. In a completely casual tone he says,

"Oh hey guys!"

Oh hey guys! Just doing some cleaning. What’s going on?

Totally embarrassing, right?

It can be frustrating because while your parents are strict, some kids parents are not, so they don’t understand what you are going through. Their parents think it’s adorable they have a boyfriend. They don’t pull out weapons, they pull out baby books to start scrapbooking “Baby’s First Boyfriend!”

But every parent is just trying to do the right thing. You’ve got to look at it from their perspective. They’ve gotten you this far, and they don’t want you messing up your future by spending too much time with some loser. Parents just want reassurance (and good grades, good jobs, etc.) As my mom always says (in an extremely concerned tone), Reassure us.

Parents don’t want to have to worry about you more than they already do. Which is a lot. And it’s better to be honest with your parents than sneak behind their backs. As long as they feel like they can trust you and your dating judgment, things may be a little less tense.

Plus it’s not like teen dating is such a ridiculous idea.

TONIGHT on the 10′ o clock news. Teen Dating. It’s a dangerous trend sweeping the nation. Is your child showing interest in the opposite sex?  We’ll show you the warning signs TONIGHT.

So here’s the plan:

1. Tell your parents you have a boyfriend.

2. Acknowledge their concerns and reassure the crap out of them.

3. Suck up.

4. Tell your boyfriend how to suck up to them.

Here’s a sample script (Feel free to improv and add in actual factual information):

Hey, Mom and Dad! God, you guys are looking young today! Have you lost weight?

Anyway, I have a boyfriend. I know, I know, you might be worried because you are really good parents, but there is no need to worry because it is not serious. I am a smart girl (pull out great report card and raise eyebrows) and I’m not going to do anything stupid like girls on MTV.

I’m not going to lose my mind or spend all my time with my boyfriend or start getting bad grades. (Point again to report card.) You raised me better than that! (Optional high five to your mom, cheesy wink to your Dad).

Then you have to reassure them about your boyfriend.

He’s a really nice boy with upstanding morals. He doesn’t do drugs, he just sells them. (Insert laughter to show you’re kidding.) He wants to be an engineer and I’m pretty sure he’s the heir to some foreign throne. (Blah blah blah, insert other stuff parents want to hear.) Don’t worry you’ll get to meet him as soon as he’s back from volunteering in Chile.

Well, I have to go mow the lawn now, so I’ll see you guys at dinner. But don’t worry, I’m making it. (Optional wink and point)

Then get on the phone and coach your boyfriend on how to deal with your parents. You don’t have to scare the crap out of him, but just make sure he has great manners, especially around your parents. I had a mother tell me she had never met her daughter’s boyfriend because when he picks her up he just honks.

Let's GO!

EXCUSE ME?! Is he your boyfriend or head of the soccer carpool?

Incredibly rude.

Make sure your boyfriend always comes to the window, I mean door when he picks you up, and make sure he greets your parents. No one wants their daughter dating a rude Shady Brady.

I have to commend my high school guy friends. They always had great manners around my parents, and thusly my parents were happy to have them over. Sometimes I would even come home and find them chatting it up with my dad in the garage. Yes, you heard right, they would hang out with my parents when I wasn’t even home.

Now that’s what I call quality sucking up.

So reassure them and stay a responsible young adult.

And most importantly, suck up.

Keep us posted!

If you like this post, please link it to your Facebook or Twitter account! Or add it to StumbleUpon or Digg. Thanks! 

Related posts: 

How Do You Know When Boys Are Lying?

http://stopbeingaloser.org/2010/06/28/so-i-have-this-friend-boyslie/

Romeo Wasn’t  a Jerk to Juliet

http://stopbeingaloser.org/2010/10/04/romeoandjuliet/

Help with Mr. Elusive!

22 Apr

Dear Losers,

So I’ve been hanging out with this guy and we went on a few dates.  I haven’t seen him in a couple weeks but he always responds to my texts. I thought we hit it off and I really like him. What should I do??

-Kayley

When I find myself liking a guy and asking my friends what should I do??? I usually realize the answer is:

Nothing.

I know. Bummer right? You want to fix the problem and figure out how to make him like you. But you can’t do that. It’s not like going on eHow and looking up how to buy vintage sunglasses. (Actual article – http://www.ehow.com/facts_6885431_buy-retro-sunglasses.html )

You can’t make him ask you out again. Well you can but I imagine it would involve illegal activity.

I would assume nothing serious is going on between you guys, at least for now. Yes, Mr. Elusive has been responsive as of late, but that’s not the same thing as him making effort. Yeah he hasn’t fallen off the face of the earth and he is politely responding to you, but he should be texting you and asking you to hang out. For any relationship to get off the ground, it takes two people making effort.

Let him come around if he wants to. Sometimes guys do and sometimes they don’t. And if they don’t, their loss.

Because when it comes to boys, if you are asking yourself What should I do? even before you are dating, it’s not a great sign. You really should only be asking yourself, what should I do??  if you messed up big time. You know, like if you threw a Charlie Sheen-like tantrum, or got caught installing spyware in his car, or ran over his PS2.

Sorry about your Playstation! Muhaha

Then you can be like, Oh S*%#! WHAT SHOULD I DO?????????????????

(I’m assuming you haven’t committed any of these infractions).

And I totally understand the feeling of what should I do? How can I fix this? I have definitely had that pestering feeling when I like a guy and he’s being hot and cold, or cold and cold. Maybe that can be a new Katy Perry song?

I digress.

If he doesn’t come around,  it doesn’t mean its personal. Or that he’s a jerk. Maybe he’s not looking for a girlfriend. If you are looking for a relationship and he isn’t, than the two of you are automatically on different pages. And then how are you supposed to read this love story together?!

'Sup?'

I wouldn’t invest your efforts chasing after this guy, or wondering what’s going on. Because when’s something IS going on, you’ll know. Find a boy that makes effort to hang out with you. And when you stop texting Mr. Elusive, he will notice. And as boys do, he will probably start texting you. Just don’t get too invested until someone shows they are invested in you too!

Can you be friends with an ex?

28 Mar

Dear Losers,

Can you be friends with an ex?

Christine, 18

Dear Reader,

Yes. Friends with ben-e-fits! (Cue obnoxious laughter)

GQ Magazine April 2009

I’m kidding. Honestly, it depends on SO many things.

1. What this ex-boyfriend wants from you.

2. How long and seriously you dated.

And,

3. How psycho he is, or you are.

If your answers to questions 1 through 3 sound a lot like,

1. He still wants to date me.

2. We dated the first 3 seasons of Teen Mom.

And,

3. He’s psycho. And so am I.

Then no, you probably can’t. You should probably stay far away from each other.  Or communicate through a plexiglass wall.

Some people have strong and unyielding opinions on this topic. They will say, “No, never! Sell his stuff on ebay and pretend he never existed!”

Others will say, “Of COURSE you can! Stay his friend so you won’t feel bad keeping that Tiffany’s necklace!”


But it really depends on the relationship. Some people can pull off staying friends with their exes with great style. They make it look easy.  Other people get fire in their eyes at the mere mention of their ex.

The problem is a lot of people want to stay friends because it’s hard to break up. You dated for awhile and then all of the sudden you never speak? Then he puts you on Facebook limited profile view? Then he doesn’t even acknowledge your presence at school?? Um, RUDE! You did NOT sign up for this!

It’s a strange and stressful transition.

And to make matters more confusing,  during the break up, one or both parties actually utters the words, I think we are better off as friends.  Sometimes they mean it. Other times, they heard someone say it in a movie and thought, Cool! So that’s what people say in breakups! (As they pull out a notepad)

No Strings Attached 2011

But don’t panic. Staying friends can work, depending on your maturity level. I saw these people on The Today Show – two of them were a couple, and the other woman was his ex-wife, and they told Al Roker,

“We’re all best friends!”

Wt$@*%!  Wow.  How modern and yet also, very Sister Wives of you.

Then there is everyone else.

Some exes will pull the friend card just to keep trying to get back together with you. They’ll spell your name in fire on your front lawn and when you ask them to politely put it out and go away, they yell,

“But I thought we were FRIENDS!!! YOU JERK!”

Then you yell back,

“FRIENDS don’t makeout with FRIENDS, JERK!” (Window slam.) (Window open.)  “Okay, well some do.  But I DON’T!” (Second window slam.)

Sadly, the “I thought we were friends” threat (and arson) works on some people. How many times have you heard a girl say,

“I know, but I feel bad! And we said we’d stay friends and always be there for each other.”

Yes. That’s very sweet. But he’s watching you on Google Earth. He wrote you a poem and even tea stained it and burned the edges to make it look antique.

HE’S STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU!

He doesn’t want to be your friend. So stop letting him hold you hostage for it.

As strange as it sounds, when it comes to the opposite sex, love is not always a solid foundation for a friendship. So figure out what works for you and your ex. You have to do what is healthy for you and your future relationships. If he’s still in love with you, or you’re still in love with him, you might want to wait until things cool down. Then, if you want to be friends, great. If you don’t, that’s okay too.

And it doesn’t mean you can’t be friendly. Yes, some exes are hostile. But some high-five, or text you on your birthday.

Elle Magazine

And others become besties like that trio on The Today Show.

How do you know when a guy is hitting on you?

17 Mar

Dear Losers

How do you know when a guy is hitting on you?

Phoebe, 17

Hi?

You know when you’re in a crowd and someone is waving in your direction and you can’t tell if they’re waving at you? And you don’t want to wave back (for fear of looking like a loser if they aren’t waving at you), but you don’t want to not wave back (for fear of looking like a loser if they are waving at you)? So you do the frantic back and forth, trying to assess the situation. And then you give them a creepy half smile because you STILL can’t tell?

My point is, like an uncertain wave, it’s hard to tell when a boy is hitting on you.  We all have friends that are The Girl Who Cried Hit On Me. You know, the girl that is always throwing around the phrase, Ugh and he was totally hitting on me! And you think to yourself what does that mean? Did he ask you out? Tell you you looked pretty? Offer you a lint roller?

Then you find out it was Johnny. Really? I mean I caught that guy winking at a wall the other day. But okay, whatever you say.

So you think to yourself, I don’t want to be that girl. And then you are Overcautious Odette.

The problem is, people use the term differently. Some girls use the term loosely, and will say a guy was hitting on her when he flirted with her, stared at her boobs, or just asked to copy her homework. That’s fine. To each her own. I mean,  I wouldn’t go running through the streets like Paul Revere saying that person hit on me.

Everybody wake up! Someone just hit on me!

But that’s just me.

I think it’s  best to use the term cautiously.  As in, someone is hitting on someone when they ask them out or showed interest in asking them out.  If it’s too fuzzy than you can file it under, Maybe he’s hitting on me, Maybe he’s just a flirty person, or Maybe he’s just European category.

I’ve had guys I thought were maybe hitting on me, only to find out they are totally in love with their girlfriend. Or boyfriend!

I wish there was a Judge Judy for all things dating related. And she could rule whether the defendant was hitting on the plaintiff or just really needed a cup of sugar.

You hit on her! Case dismissed!

Yes we’ve all had to ponder what a guy really thinks about us. Sometimes what’s crystal clear to the guy is ambiguous to us girls. In our defense, every guy has a different approach. There are the passive, timid guys who are shy and subtle in their approach and then there are the obnoxious, offensive guys who try to shout a holler on the street.  And, ps what do guys think they’re going to get out of a sleazy cat call?

He had me at, Heeeyy girrl. Then he whistled. We’ve been together ever since!

I think not.

So how can you tell?

Well, I think it’s pretty safe to say the obnoxious guy who cat calls you off the street is probably not really as into you as he is into acting like a fool. If a guy is really interested, he’ll make it known. He’ll ask you to hang out one on one, or make an effort to find out more about you and what your interests are; if you’re Team Edward or Team Jacob, or if you prefer CSI Las Vegas or CSI Miami.

But if you are an analytical, and not arrogant person, it may be something that confuses you your whole life. I find it utterly perplexing. Just when I think I know a guy’s intentions, or lack thereof I often realize I am completely wrong.  Let me give you two examples. I invite you to play along.

1. I was driving to a charity event, and I was all dressed up. I won’t lie. I was feeling pret-ty good about my myself.  But I got stuck in traffic. So I decided to make a phone call to pass the time. ( It was legal back then, okay?) I’m chatting it up, having a grand ole time, when I notice a guy signaling for me to roll my window down.

Now, please know that I really try to be polite to all people, even tools, and I do not assume everyone with manparts is hitting on me. Quite the opposite actually. So normally, I would roll down the window and chat it up with some weirdo to be nice.

But I was in the middle of something and I thought, You know what?  No more Mrs. Nice Guy. Why should I drop everything I’m doing just to be on the receiving end of some impersonal, poorly-crafted pick- up line?  I’m going to stand up for myself and all the women in the world that deal with these creeps! Creeps that disturb women who are just trying to innocently talk and drive!

So, I conjured up the best bitch impression I could, pointed to my phone ( a pink Razr no less), and mouthed, “Sorry”, in the most stereotypical and condescending LA bimbo way possible. And he drove off.

Success! This behavior was so unlike me, but I was sort of enjoying it! I thought, Wow, I should do this more often! It’s fun, yet also effective. I continued to bask in my glory (and mastery of the male race) when two minutes later, another guy drove up and signaled for me to roll my window down.

Uh-oh.

I had a bad feeling. I mean I looked kinda nice, but it certainly wasn’t two hit-ons in two minutes kind of nice. So I decided to roll down my window, only to hear the guy yell,

You’ve got a flat tire!

Well.

That’s just great. Now not only did I have a flat tire, but I had a deflated ego! How mortifying! That first guy must have  laughed all the way up the 405 and maybe even to the 10 to the 110.

He must have thought, Eh screw it. Why should I go out of my way to help some conceited brat with an ugly pink razr that thinks every good samaritan is hitting on them?!

And who could blame him?

Verdict: Not hit on.

P.S. Why do only guys notice flat tires?

2. Me and my college roommate went to Subway pretty regularly and ordered the value meal. A duh.

Once, on our way home, I noticed they forgot a crucial part of the meal. Like a hungry person who didn’t receive the sweet and sour sauce for her chicken nuggets, I was pissed. My meal was ruined! I turned to Carrie, and  like a starving monster yelled,

THEY FORGOT OUR ^#*^$*@! COOKIES!!!!

She looked extremely confused. Oh great, I thought. You got your cookie and I didn’t! Well that’s just wonderful!!

Instead she said, Um, what cookies?

And I said, Um, hellooooooooo the ones that comes with the value meal?

And then she burst out laughing.

You mean those cookies we got last week? That doesn’t come with the meal. Those guys were hitting on us.

Well, slap me upside the head and steal my cookie! How was I supposed to know?!?!

Verdict: Hit on. Well according to her, anyway. I’d say they were flirting with us, or just had left over cookies.

Hopefully you will fare better in similar situations. It’s a confusing world, ladies. But even the shyest guy will make his feelings known if he is really interested in you. Don’t be Oblivious Olivia. Females are intuitive by nature so if you’re sensing signals you’re probably right. And you friends will step in and set you straight if you are being too oblivious or modest.

But don’t go crying He hit on me! too early.

You might want to check your tires first.