I just saw Bobby Lee perform standup and my abs still hurt from laughing. He was hi-larious and his mustache was even better in person! Watch him on Chelsea Lately, or go see his standup!
I know this sounds stupid, but I honestly know nothing about dating and I have a date next week. I’m totally freaked out. Any advice?
There is no need to fear dating. Yes, dating is awkward, stressful, and emotionally taxing. But it can also be promising or painfully hilarious. Here’s a list of dating DO’s and DON’Ts to make you shine on the field.
-Pick out your outfit ahead of time and dress for the occasion. Dating is stressful enough. No need to assault your room with your whole closet as if you are shooting it through a t-shirt gun.
Decide what you are going to wear the day before and try it on. You never know if you need to iron it or have an unsightly stain on it. (True story). Or if you still have the tag on. (Another true story.)
-Meet him there. If you don’t know the guy well, don’t give him your address and/or get in a vehicle with him! Hello, stranger danger! Your safety always comes first. And always tell someone where you’re going.
-Be yourself, be be yourself! Don’t say you like to watch sports with the boys if you don’t. If you like to knit and read, say so! Unless you only like to read dating books…keep that under wraps until at least date four. And completely hide them if he comes over. Though I did have a boyfriend that looked awesomely terrified when he saw “Why Men Love Bitches” on my bookshelf. Maybe keep that one out.
-Eat smart. Don’t order the baby back ribs or spaghetti bolognese unless you’re prepared to wear it home or spritz him with it like it’s after shave.
-Demand respect. If you and your time are not being respected, make like a banana and rot. I mean, split.
-Keep your chops in check. Always check your teeth and carry a breath freshening product on your person. No one wants to be remembered as Halitosis Heather.
-Expect he’s going to pay. I think it’s chivalrous for the guy to pay. And I’ll be honest, I think he should pay, especially if he asked you out. But, there’s no universal rule here. (Thanks a lot, CONGRESS!) And people aren’t always on the same page. Sometimes, both parties don’t even agree it’s a date. Nightmare scenario, but it happens. So offer to pay for your own ice cream/lobster/coffee. If he’s eager for you to pay, expects you to pay his share, or just plain asks you for cash, you can decide whether you want to go out with him again.
-Bring up past relationships. That’s what they do on MTV dating shows- for ratings. It’s not first date talk in the real world. Unless you are dating your therapist. In which case you should probably find a new date and therapist.
-Meet in a secluded place until you are certain he’s not a serial killer. It’s just not safe. Plus, awkward silence is all the more awkward when there’s no background noise.
-Flake last minute. I get it. Stuff happens and sometimes you have to cancel. But only cancel the day of if you have a good reason. “I’m just not feeling flirty today” is not a great reason. Though it would be hilarious to say and he might give you points for honesty. He might also not ask you again. (At least you have the points!)
-String a guy along to be ‘nice.’ It’s not nice. It’s mean. Just be honest. If you aren’t into him, that’s okay. There are plenty of ways to let him know without destroying his ability to love again.
Whether you love dating or hate it, it’s something we all have to do; like going to the dentist or paying taxes. So you might as well be a smart and savvy dater. And remember, bad dates = great stories.
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What’s a good thing to wear on a first date?
What do you do if a date is really bad and you want to leave?
You should watch this if:
1. You haven’t seen it yet.
2. You’ve already seen it.
3. You have a sense of humor.
4. You happen to be breathing.
I heard about this show from so many people and I finally checked it out. It’s hilarious. So watch!
My favorite episodes are Bruce Willis’, Sean Penn’s, and Steve Carell’s.
Click here to watch it on Funny or Die: Between Two Ferns
Jamie Morrison Curtis is the author of the fabulous blog (and book), Prudent Advice For My Baby Daughter, and chronicles random pieces of advice for her 2 year old daughter to refer to as she grows up.
“But your blog boasts ‘Advice from your older sister, not your mom,’” you say?!
Well, this is the exception to our rule. Prudent Advice is an advice handbook that every girl should own. Every human, really. Here are some of my fave words of wisdom from the blog, (and my own addendums):
#23 When frustrating things happen, keep them in perspective.
#82 Anytime you are debating whether to shower or not, take the shower. – Seriously.
#71 Guilt is a paralytic emotion.
#92 Righty tighty, lefty loosey.
#116 At the close of each day, fill your head with thoughts of how lucky you are.
#135 When you drop someone off at home wait until he or she gets inside before driving away. – I could have used this piece of advice in high school when I dropped Megan off and drove away…only to have her get locked out of her house on a hot day, with her foot in a cast, and forced to hobble the half mile to my house.
#157 If you want to leave a party and you don’t have a good excuse, spill something on yourself. –Just make sure it’s not hot.
#225 You will get good at anything you practice.
#253 Pay no attention to the line of impossibility.
We can’t exactly send candy to your inbox, so we thought we’d go for a laugh instead. This is one of my family’s favorite SNL commercials. I swear this commercial was made with my parents in mind. Maybe yours too.
Happy Ha-lloween! (Sorry, had to.)