Tag Archives: dating

Dating DOs and DON’Ts

11 Nov

Dear Losers, 

I know this sounds stupid, but I honestly know nothing about dating and I have a date next week. I’m totally freaked out. Any advice?

Corrine, 16

Dear Reader,

There is no need to fear dating. Yes, dating is awkward, stressful, and emotionally taxing. But it can also be promising or painfully hilarious. Here’s a list of dating DO’s and DON’Ts to make you shine on the field.

DO:

-Pick out your outfit ahead of time and dress for the occasion. Dating is stressful enough. No need to assault your room with your whole closet as if you are shooting it through a t-shirt gun.

Why is she in the line of fire?!

Decide what you are going to wear the day before and try it on. You never know if you need to iron it or have an unsightly stain on it. (True story). Or if you still have the tag on. (Another true story.)

-Meet him there. If you don’t know the guy well, don’t give him your address and/or get in a vehicle with him! Hello, stranger danger! Your safety always comes first. And always tell someone where you’re going.

-Be yourself, be be yourself! Don’t say you like to watch sports with the boys if you don’t. If you like to knit and read, say so! Unless you only like to read dating books…keep that under wraps until at least date four. And completely hide them if he comes over. Though I did have a boyfriend that looked awesomely terrified when he saw “Why Men Love Bitches” on my bookshelf. Maybe keep that one out.

-Eat smart. Don’t order the baby back ribs or spaghetti bolognese unless you’re prepared to wear it home or spritz him with it like it’s after shave.

As my sister and I say when we’re eating a messy meal, ‘NOT a date food!’ (And then we commence eating like cavemen.)

-Demand respect. If you and your time are not being respected, make like a banana and rot. I mean, split.

-Keep your chops in check. Always check your teeth and carry a breath freshening product on your person. No one wants to be remembered as Halitosis Heather.

Mentos, the FRESHMAKER!

DON’T:

-Expect he’s going to pay. I think it’s chivalrous for the guy to pay. And I’ll be honest, I think he should pay, especially if he asked you out. But, there’s no universal rule here. (Thanks a lot, CONGRESS!) And people aren’t always on the same page.  Sometimes, both parties don’t even agree it’s a date. Nightmare scenario, but it happens. So offer to pay for your own ice cream/lobster/coffee. If he’s eager for you to pay, expects you to pay his share, or just plain asks you for cash, you can decide whether you want to go out with him again.

-Bring up past relationships. That’s what they do on MTV dating shows- for ratings. It’s not first date talk in the real world. Unless you are dating your therapist. In which case you should probably find a new date and therapist.

-Meet in a secluded place until you are certain he’s not a serial killer. It’s just not safe. Plus, awkward silence is all the more awkward when there’s no background noise.

-Flake last minute. I get it. Stuff happens and sometimes you have to cancel. But only cancel the day of if you have a good reason. “I’m just not feeling flirty today” is not a great reason. Though it would be hilarious to say and he might give you points for honesty. He might also not ask you again. (At least you have the points!)

Dooooooon't flake! (Sorry, had to.)

-String a guy along to be ‘nice.’ It’s not nice. It’s mean. Just be honest. If you aren’t into him, that’s okay. There are plenty of ways to let him know without destroying his ability to love again.

Whether you love dating or hate it, it’s something we all have to do; like going to the dentist or paying taxes. So you might as well be a smart and savvy dater. And remember, bad dates = great stories.

If you like this post, please link to it on your Facebook or Twitter account! Or add it to StumbleSupon or Digg. Thanks!

Related Posts:

What’s a good thing to wear on a first date?

http://stopbeingaloser.org/2010/09/05/dear-losers-whats-a-good-thing-to-wear-on-a-first-date/

What do you do if a date is really bad and you want to leave?

http://stopbeingaloser.org/2010/09/12/what-do-you-do-if-a-date-is-really-bad-and-you-want-to-leave/

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Is there a way to hint to a guy you’ve dated that you’re no longer interested?

9 Sep

Dear Losers,

I went on a few dates with a guy, but I just didn’t feel a connection with him.  He seems so enthusiastic about our next date, but I don’t want to date him anymore. I also don’t want to hurt his feelings, so is there a way I can hint to him that I’m no longer interested?

-Tiana, 20

Sure. But there’s no way to guarantee he’s going to get the hint.

You could, for example, shudder everytime he walks into a room. Or make retching sounds. Actual projectile vomit is always effective.

You could even fall off the face of the earth, and hope that he takes that as a sign of disinterest.  But he just might think you went missing.

Kristy???

That’s the problem with breakup hints.  They often end up mean and confusing. You may think your hints seem clear because you know how you feel.  But he just may think you’re sick, playing hard to get, or without reception for 2 weeks.

So when you think,

Why doesn’t he get it when I don’t return his calls?

It’s because he doesn’t know how you feel! You never told him, you big dummy. Way to blame the victim!

If you were on the flip side, and you will be sometime, you might not get it either. For all he knows, you like him, or could get to like him. He’s not psychic. Even if he was he’d probably still come to a vague conclusion like,

“I see unreturned phone calls.”

I think many of us girls want to be nice and not hurt a guy’s feelings, so when we don’t like them, we try to think of any way possible to convey that without saying it. But then you end up playing dating Pictionary. Or Charades. You’re trying to act everything out and hope he guesses the right answer.

That would be an interesting approach…

You: Hey Johnnie! Come over. We’re playing Dating Charades!

Johnny: I love charades! Okay, 4 words. Look’s like a guy and girl breaking up? His name starts with a J. Johnny? 

You: Yup!

Johnny: The girl is named. Oh, that’s you! Interesting. Okay. Wait, Johnny. That’s me. Huh. Oh, I’ve got it! You’re not into me!  You’re not into me! I win!!!! (Pause) Wait, you’re not into me?

You: Correct!! I win!!!!!!!!!!

No, you don’t. That’s just weird. Stop with the guessing game. Guys may take your vagueness as playing hard to get and it may fuel their interest more.

Plan: backfired! We’ve all been there. And now you’re in deeper than before.

They think you’re playing hard to get, when you’re playing not get. Instead of game over, it’s game on. Double backfire! (Fist shake to the sky)

In my experience, it’s much easier and less stressful when you are straightforward. Or when you make up a boyfriend. What?

He'll never know.........?

Mostly, when I’ve been honest with a guy, they’ve been cool about it. Yes, it’s awkward. But dating is awkward. And a guy knows when he pursues you that there is a potential for rejection. Just like when you pursue something, you know you might get rejected.  He has probably mentally prepared himself for both outcomes. He may win, he may lose, but he will survive.

Plus, it doesn’t have to be dramatic. You didn’t like him romantically. You may go on a few dates with another guy and he doesn’t end up liking you romantically. There’s no need to write him off as an a -hole (unless he is one). Appreciate that he was honest with you and didn’t lead you on.

You may even end up going on a few dates with another guy and you two decide you don’t like each other romantically. What a treat! The stars have aligned!  Then you can both fall off the face of the earth. Or become friends. Win/win!

Just remember, you deserve someone that’s into you, just like he deserves someone that’s into him.

If you like this post, please link to it on your Facebook or Twitter account! Or add it to StumbleSupon or Digg. Thanks!

Related Posts:

How do you stop seeing a guy you’ve only dated a few times?

http://stopbeingaloser.org/2011/07/08/how-do-you-stop-seeing-a-guy-youve-only-dated-a-few-times/

Can you be friends with an ex?

http://stopbeingaloser.org/2011/03/28/can-you-be-friends-with-an-ex/

I’m 15 with my first boyfriend and I don’t know how to tell my parents! What should I do?!

29 Apr

Dear Losers,

I’m 15 with my first boyfriend and I don’t know how to tell my parents. Oh yeah, did I tell you I have 7 brothers?! I want to be totally honest with them, but I don’t want to have to go through the drama that comes with it. What should I do?!

Madison, 15

I totally understand your concern. You want to be a good daughter, but at the same time you don’t want to be grounded for life.

You're grounded, Missy!

I’m going to assume your parents and 90,000 brothers are somewhat strict and overprotective. My parents are too, so I can definitely commiserate. And sometimes it can be even harder dealing with the men in the family.

Tricia’s Dad once decided to clean his guns when she had guy friends over, like straight out of a country song. As they are walking through the house, they run into her dad who is *chick-chick-ing* his rifle. In a completely casual tone he says,

"Oh hey guys!"

Oh hey guys! Just doing some cleaning. What’s going on?

Totally embarrassing, right?

It can be frustrating because while your parents are strict, some kids parents are not, so they don’t understand what you are going through. Their parents think it’s adorable they have a boyfriend. They don’t pull out weapons, they pull out baby books to start scrapbooking “Baby’s First Boyfriend!”

But every parent is just trying to do the right thing. You’ve got to look at it from their perspective. They’ve gotten you this far, and they don’t want you messing up your future by spending too much time with some loser. Parents just want reassurance (and good grades, good jobs, etc.) As my mom always says (in an extremely concerned tone), Reassure us.

Parents don’t want to have to worry about you more than they already do. Which is a lot. And it’s better to be honest with your parents than sneak behind their backs. As long as they feel like they can trust you and your dating judgment, things may be a little less tense.

Plus it’s not like teen dating is such a ridiculous idea.

TONIGHT on the 10′ o clock news. Teen Dating. It’s a dangerous trend sweeping the nation. Is your child showing interest in the opposite sex?  We’ll show you the warning signs TONIGHT.

So here’s the plan:

1. Tell your parents you have a boyfriend.

2. Acknowledge their concerns and reassure the crap out of them.

3. Suck up.

4. Tell your boyfriend how to suck up to them.

Here’s a sample script (Feel free to improv and add in actual factual information):

Hey, Mom and Dad! God, you guys are looking young today! Have you lost weight?

Anyway, I have a boyfriend. I know, I know, you might be worried because you are really good parents, but there is no need to worry because it is not serious. I am a smart girl (pull out great report card and raise eyebrows) and I’m not going to do anything stupid like girls on MTV.

I’m not going to lose my mind or spend all my time with my boyfriend or start getting bad grades. (Point again to report card.) You raised me better than that! (Optional high five to your mom, cheesy wink to your Dad).

Then you have to reassure them about your boyfriend.

He’s a really nice boy with upstanding morals. He doesn’t do drugs, he just sells them. (Insert laughter to show you’re kidding.) He wants to be an engineer and I’m pretty sure he’s the heir to some foreign throne. (Blah blah blah, insert other stuff parents want to hear.) Don’t worry you’ll get to meet him as soon as he’s back from volunteering in Chile.

Well, I have to go mow the lawn now, so I’ll see you guys at dinner. But don’t worry, I’m making it. (Optional wink and point)

Then get on the phone and coach your boyfriend on how to deal with your parents. You don’t have to scare the crap out of him, but just make sure he has great manners, especially around your parents. I had a mother tell me she had never met her daughter’s boyfriend because when he picks her up he just honks.

Let's GO!

EXCUSE ME?! Is he your boyfriend or head of the soccer carpool?

Incredibly rude.

Make sure your boyfriend always comes to the window, I mean door when he picks you up, and make sure he greets your parents. No one wants their daughter dating a rude Shady Brady.

I have to commend my high school guy friends. They always had great manners around my parents, and thusly my parents were happy to have them over. Sometimes I would even come home and find them chatting it up with my dad in the garage. Yes, you heard right, they would hang out with my parents when I wasn’t even home.

Now that’s what I call quality sucking up.

So reassure them and stay a responsible young adult.

And most importantly, suck up.

Keep us posted!

If you like this post, please link it to your Facebook or Twitter account! Or add it to StumbleUpon or Digg. Thanks! 

Related posts: 

How Do You Know When Boys Are Lying?

http://stopbeingaloser.org/2010/06/28/so-i-have-this-friend-boyslie/

Romeo Wasn’t  a Jerk to Juliet

http://stopbeingaloser.org/2010/10/04/romeoandjuliet/

What Do You Do if a Date is Really Bad and You Want to Leave?

12 Sep

Dear Losers,

What do you do if a date is really bad and you want to leave?

Taylor, 19

Dear Reader,

Depends on what kind of bad. If it’s just awkward bad, or you don’t have butterflies bad, I suggest you stay. Not every date is going to be great, or fun. We all have nightmare dating stories, so you might as well start collecting your own.

Here’s one of mine, for inspiration.

I once went on a date with a guy a few years my junior.

I’ll admit I was hesitant, but I didn’t want to be closed minded and yes, okay, he worked for a country music magazine and said he could get me free tickets. So I went.

I know.

I was not expecting anything fancy, but after driving 30 minutes to meet him, I expected something a bit more noteworthy than Fuddruckers, a chain in my OWN TOWN.

To make matters worse, he acted like a huge jerk, bragging about himself the whole time, and not asking me any questions. It was as if he was an actor performing a monologue, but one that was not interesting. I grinned and bared his behavior, even after he answered a phone call from another girl, flirted with the girl at length, then hung up and said the girl was TOTALLY stalking him.

Uh yeah, you can’t stalk the willing, Buddy.

Semantics aside, after what seemed like an eternity, the date ended. And he didn’t even walk me to my car, or watch me walk to my car. No, no. That would have been too easy. Well-mannered, even. Instead, he dropped me off at the entrance to the parking garage.

Rude.com/whereareyouremanners/unsafe

And then he burned out.

I know what you’re thinking. How could I let the man of my dreams walk, excuse me, burn out of my life like that?

Anyway, yes good manners dictate that you would stay on the date even if you want to leave. Afterall, it is the classy thing to do because no one likes to be stood up, or ditched.

But there are a few fun exceptions. 🙂

1. If you are being mistreated in any way, leave. If Johnny Jerk is being mean, rude or out of control, you do not need to stay. I probably could have ditched that toddler at Fuddruckers, but I guess I really wanted my Oreo milkshake?

2.  If you don’t feel safe, leave.  Chances are you don’t know this person well, s0 don’t feel obligated to hangout with a stranger if they seem creepy, dangerous or ill-intentioned. Trust your instincts. And if you don’t know the person well, suggest meeting them on the date.

If you came together, and you’re getting creepo vibes, say something came up, and call someone to pick you up. Always have a cab programmed in your phone as well in case all of your friends are on bad dates too. And tell your friends and family exactly where you are going before you leave.

Otherwise, grin and bear it. It’s a first date, and there doesn’t have to be a second. And actually, you can avoid agonizing and awkward dates by taking control of the situation in the beginning and keeping your plans short and simple.

Don’t commit your whole evening or day to a guy you barely know. Stick to dinner or a movie, not both. Coffee or ice cream even works. If you’re having the time of your lives you crazy kids can always extend the date or plan another one.

And if you don’t want to extend the date, or you want to cut the date short, you can simply say you have other plans. No need for a crazy excuse or an iPhone app that calls your phone.  And this way you were polite and stayed for the whole date, even though it was short. See how smart(/sneaky) you are!

Just steer clear of first dates that sound like, I was thinking we could go hiking and find this hidden waterfall, skip rocks and talk about our childhoods, cross the Bridge to Terabithia, then take the tram over to the Getty and find the Kogi Truck downtown.

And he’s going to bring you back when? NEXT WEEK?!

In conclusion, choose your dates wisely, plan your dates wisely, and never hope for free concert tickets.

And if you’re stuck on a bad date, just remember…. the worst dates make the best stories.

How Do I Meet Boys in College?

22 Aug

Dear Losers,

How do I meet boys in college?

Ava, 19

Dear Reader,

I’m sorry, did you mean college or your small agrarian community?

College is the easiest place to meet guys, maybe EVER. It’s only downhill from there. I’m not saying to focus more on your MRS than your BA/BS. No no. Your education frees you from actually needing a man, so please concentrate.

But take advantage of the added perks while you can! In college, you essentially live in a town where everyone is around your age and your SAT score. BO-NUS! Not even match.com can provide that kind of service.

After college, you’re stuck meeting people at your workplace, the bar scene or the produce aisle.

You 4 years from now: Oh wow, you like romaine lettuce too! No way! Did you know it has the highest nutritional content of all…. Okay well…um, nice talking to you!

It’s great to seize the opportunity to talk to someone, no matter how lame the Snapple Real Fact. (Snapple Real Facts) But college is a place where you don’t have to find common ground over what’s in your grocery cart. You have common ground with everyone (See: Pending Diploma, Weird Roommates, Extra Long Twin Sized Jersey Sheets etc), you just need to put yourself in the right places. Let me give you advice from a guy.

A friend/male once told me, Girls complain about not meeting guys, but I really think they discount the power of location.

And he makes a good point.

I had friends that loved going to clubs, but complained that they only met huge tools.

Do we really need to connect the dots?!

So there are the traditional collegiate locations to meet boys- class, dorm activities, study groups, social clubs, on campus jobs, games and parties. Get out there and take advantage! But you can also get creative. Assess your situation and devise a gameplan. Ask yourself what kind of boys you like and how you might be able to meet them. For instance, if you like tools, then hit up the clubs, or a local toolshed.

If you’re into the premed type, then you might want to hang out on that side of campus or learn about the chemical properties of dry ice.

If you’re into outdoorsy manly men then go to games, outdoor activities or lumberjack competitions.

If you like skinny jean/emo/hipster guys go see random bands, hit up a thrift store…or just meander around Berkeley, CA. You’re not going to find a hipster in guyliner playing rugby with the frat boys.

I know this all sounds creepy and calculated, and that’s because it is. But it’s also smart. Like you, College Girl. Let’s practice with a fill-in- the- blank. ( Sentence completions are on the GRE’s, afterall)

If I only hang out on the all-girls floor I will only meet ____________.

If I only hangout in my dorm room I will only meet _______________.

If I never leave my floor, I will NEVER meet ___________

(1. girls, 2. oh yeah, NOBODY!, 3. NEW BOYS!! )

If you’re just looking for new boys in general, you’re going to have to leave your bunk bed and find new places to hang out. You’re going to have to drop the Rapunzel Syndrome (I just made that up!). You know the I’m in my tower/dorm room so come rescue me from my solitude/MCD Bio midterm.

Even studying in a new library or a different study hall will open you up to new people.

And it goes without saying that you need to be friendly- to your neighbors, your classmates, your elevator mates. There’s nothing wrong with striking up a conversation with someone. Make friends and get to know your fellow alumni. It’s much easier than you think. When you make friends, you soon make friends with their friends. And they might just be friends with an eligible boy.

You can start by asking someone about the class they are taking, what their major is, or brace yourself for this one, you can just introduce yourself. Remember how friendly everyone was on the first day? Well who says that has to stop? If they look at you weird, they’re weird! (Or you have something on your face.)

In summation, fortune favors the bold. So unless you are pining after Mr. Noodle, your dreamboy is not going to come knocking on your door.

Carpe Diem. Or just take a Latin class and hope there are cute boys in it.